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The great philosopher Dewey Cheatem says:
"Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. "

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News Blurbs

1L Talks Some Good Trash, But Can’t Back It Up
Web Portal – 1L Benjamin Olsen was verbally bitch-slapped by his fellow students after commenting on the GW Law Web Portal that homosexuality was “unnatural and wrong.” Several students responded to these comments prompting Olsen to apologize and withdraw his remarks. 3L Brad Parr was heard to comment “if you’re gonna come at me and my posse, you’d better come correct. Leave that punk ass shit at home. If you’re gonna play ball with me, you’d better bring your A game.”

Ken English Thinks Alan Tauber is Still a Loud-Mouthed Blowhard
Soft Lounge - In a statement that surprised no one, 3L Kenneth English announced that he found Jurisprudence classmate 3L Alan Tauber to be a “pompous, loud-mouthed blowhard.” English went on to say: “Have you ever had this guy in your class? He’s the living embodiment of res ipsa locquiter. Sure, he speaks for himself. What I want to know is, does he ever shut the hell up?” As of press time, no one could be found who would dispute English’s comments, not even Tauber himself.

1L Thinks Law School is Some Easy Shit
Hallway outside LL101 - 1L Borris Scanlon was coming out of his torts exam and was heard to remark “man, that was some easy shit. Is that the best Banzhaf can do?” He went on to boast that he found criminal law to be “a walk in the park,” and referred to civil procedure as “cake.” Sources inside the Records Office indicate the Scanlon has done so poorly that he has been asked not to return to next semester. “It’s not unusual to have students transfer,” Associate Dean for Student Affairs David Johnson said, “but we don’t usually have them transfer to U.D.C. Oh well, there’s a first time for everything.”

Student reads Nota Bene – Surprised to Find Content
Hard Lounge – 2L Kylie Hansen was spotted reading a copy of the Nota Bene late last month and was surprised to find that the paper had actual content. “You know, after last year, I swore I’d never read the paper again, but there was a picture on the front page that caught my eye, so I thought I’d give it a quick glance,” Hansen said. She was shocked to read content about actual issues students cared about. “I’m so used to seeing crappy dating columns, like Maximus, but not only was there a lot of interesting news, the Features section was actually funny!” Editor-in-Chief Brandon Briscoe had this to say: “In your face Dean Young! You tried to get rid of us, but we’re back, and we’re better than ever!”

Headlines

A Holiday Wishlist
by Harry Kruglik

Association for Stupid Question Askers Stages Protest
by Frank Latucca