Revue Gets Review’s Budget - Cast Being Upgraded
By Alan Tauber and Harry Kruglik

Foggy Bottom, July 31, 2003

The Law Revue Show has accidentally been given the Law Review Journal’s budget, reported to be in the neighborhood of $270,000, so this year’s show will have certain enhancement. The first major change involves song writing. While in previous years the parodies had been written by cast members, the show has hired world-renowned lyricist Andrew Lloyd Webber.

In addition to upgrading the musical talent, other changes include hiring big name actors to play key roles. One example is the casting of Professor Paul Butler. Samuel L. Jackson and Jason Alexander auditioned to play the part. “WHAT – DOES – THURGOOD – MARSHALL – LOOK – LIKE,” is rumored to have been the best-delivered line of Jackson’s audition. Alexander, despite looking and sounding nothing like Butler, and having none of his room presence, also reportedly made a strong showing. Said show director Patrick Malone, “he has a certain quality that transcends being a short dumpy white guy.”

In another surprise move, Master Yoda also auditioned for a part, explaining “600 yrs. I’ve lived, sci-fi only I have done. Type-cast, I fear I have become.” Professor Friedenthal is reportedly happy with the choice.

- Pauly Shore, looking to branch into transgendered acting, made a strong audition to play professor Miriam Gallston. Said Shore, “Everybody like totally thinks I’m on drugs anyway.”

Carrot Top, having grown tired of being upstaged by a chimpanzee in AT&T commercials, has auditioned for the role of Larry Mitchell. Malone said he put on a good show, “but his hair isn’t quite wild enough.” Newcomer to the stage Kenny G is thought to have the edge in this battle.

Other notable potentials include:

• Queen Latifah as Dean Alfeda Robinson
• Reese Witherspoon as Corrie Westbrook
• Shaggy as The Guy Who Hangs Out With Cart Lady
• The Guy Who Hangs Out With Cart Lady as De’
• Fred Savage as JT Molot
• Woody Allen as Peter Swire
• P. Diddy as Justice Clarence Thomas
• Tom Cruise as Patrick Malone
• And Harrison Ford as Dean Michael K. Young

Whined LRS ’03 dropout Anthony Ellis (2L), “This sucks, I wanted to inaugurate transgendered acting in the Law Revue show. The complexities of playing Dean Robinson could’ve been such a great opportunity for my personal and thespianal growth.”