Sherpa Guides In High Demand As Law School Remodels
By Harry Kruglik

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN E BLDG. AND STUART

As the construction chaos hits new heights over the summer, savvy students and other knowledgeable visitors have turned to sherpas, the trusty guides who have helped climbers reach the heights of the Himalayas since time immemorial.

Said Aaron, a graduate studying for the bar, "With different entrances closed every day I never knew what I would find when I got here. I'm f------ studying for the f------ bar! I don't need this shiznizit! But now with Tanjim, I no longer have to worry. He gets up two hours before me in the morning and scouts everything out, it's great. Plus he works for peanuts. Literally. Apparently, there's a rare delicacy in his native Nepal. He found a great way into Stockton. You climb a ladder to 3rd floor Stuart, then go down a vent to 2nd floor E, though an unused piping right-of-way, and you’re there. It's great, I feel bad for all those morons still using the tunnel from Au Bon Pain. That thing reeks, people look like coal miners at the end of that journey. Hold on, you're not gonna print this, are you? There's only room for one on that route."

Aaron had no comment on Tanjim's immigration status, or whether he was making Social Security payments on Tanjim as required by federal law.

Stephan, another bar-prep zombie, was much more open about his guide. Churmonahptra, he said, has full medical and dental, disability insurance, and a 401(k). "I'm not going to send this brave man into that pit of hell everyday with without disability! Don't Who would care for his family if he fell beneath a jackhammer. Besides, I’ve been hired at Travelers Casualty's Office of In-House Counsel, and when I told them how Churmonahptra faced down the scaffolding erector crew to get me into the library, they felt insuring him was the least they could do.

However, Stephan's largesse may be more than just a sign of personal virtue.

Said Alison, a visiting summer student, "There's bidding wars going on. A lot of these sherpas are smart. I lost mine to an adjunct faculty, and the way people are bidding, it's become cheaper for me to helicopter in to the roof. The Secret Service guys on top of the White House have Stinger missiles, and they might shoot us down, but what am I going to do? I have to pass the bar, or death will be the least of my worries."

If you're wondering about the dateline, the author is lost. It's just devious to re-open contract negotiations half-way up the mountain. He wanted cash now, but I just didn't have any. At least I have wireless internet. Someone please call Search and Rescue, I can't seem to find their email address.