World Fails to End After 1L Passes
By Frank Lattuca

Foggy Bottom, August 10, 2003

Wednesday September 6- In a shocking turn of events, the world failed to come to an end, when Steven Coraline admitted he hadn't read for class when called on by Professor Wilmarth in Contracts I.

"I don't really know what happened", remarked Coraline. "He [Wilmarth] asked me what the holding of Plowman v. Indian Refining Co. was, and I knew I didn't have the answer. I sorta cringed and said 'Sorry, I didn't finish reading it' and hid under the desk, expecting the Earth to open up below me."

Upon hearing the Coraline's admission, many other students began to take action regarding the end of the world. Some students covered their heads in expectation that the sky would fall, others began to pray in repentance to a variety of deities and gods. 1L's Mandy Watson and Adam McKean, who had spent the first few weeks 'checking each other out' threw themselves on each other, hoping to finally hook up before the completion of Armageddon.

Roughly thirty seconds after Coraline's statement, and during the ensuing Bedlam, Professor Wilmarth asked the class to settle down, and proceeded to call on Janna Hall to present the holding of the case.

"My first thought was, is this guy for real?", said Hall. "I mean, I know he heard what Steve said, and so he's gotta know that its all over now. Everyone knows that. Then I was all like 'wow, this guy must really like teaching, he's just gonna keep going."

Then in act of GW Law pride, Hall stood on top of his desk and began to read the holding of the case aloud to the class, fully expecting the world to end any minute. "I can't really say what came over me, I just felt like 'if I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go out giving it my all."

While most people have come to terms with the incident, and are now thankful that the world this isn't universally the case. 1L Dan Ament still believes that the world is going to end because of the incident, but that God is simply toying with the students now out of an evil, evil desire to watch him suffer.

"It really sort of pisses me off" claimed Stephanie Kaye, a 1L in the class. "I mean they tell you 'don't pass, cuz it'll be like the end of the world' and then nothing happens. I was sitting there praying, publicly admitting all the bad shit I've ever done out loud for the whole class to hear, figuring I was about to die anyway-and now I have to live with it! Do you know how many skuzzy fucking guys are after my number after they heard some of the stuff I admitted to? GAWD!"

Students aren't the only ones upset by the development, as most professors are now uncertain of their ability to control classrooms. "The fear of God is all we had" claimed one professor who asked to remain nameless. "I mean, sure I'm a big scary guy and my Crim Law and Race and Racism classes will still be scared shitless not to read for class, but what's someone like Dawn Nunziato gonna do? Start bringing a shotgun to class again? No, we had something great going here and now its all ruined because of that one stupid little bastard."

Coraline was unable for actual comment, mysteriously disappearing after class was over.