Dildos Try on Suits
By Alan Tauber

Foggy Bottom, August 10, 2003

St. Gregory Hotel – This quaint local hotel has been overrun in the last few weeks by large dildos dressed in suits. More commonly referred to as 2Ls looking for work, and pathetic 3Ls who couldn’t find a real job last summer, or were asked not to return, these jack-offs in three-pieces gather daily at the St. Gregory in the hopes of landing future employment.

Asked to comment on this phenomenon, employed 3L Erik Baptist replied: “What losers. I remember when I participated in the Fall Interview Program, and I felt like a total tool.” When asked for a response, 2L John Smith argued: “Baptist is still a total tool.”

Amy Caster, head of the FIP, defended the second and third year job hunters. “I think calling them dildos is a little harsh. I mean, assholes, yeah, but dildos? That’s just rough.”

In a related story, there has been a severe run on chapstick in the city, as these greedy brown-nosers chap their lips kissing the asses of junior associates sent to the pre-screening interviews.